I went to see a physiotherapist recently for a spinal injury. One says, “I’ve lost my electron.” The other says, “Are you sure?” The first replies “Yes, I’m positive.”. A lot of people, pretty much constantly. See more ideas about puns, jokes, funny words. They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals. 3. Discover our collection of easy riddles for kids and clever riddles. SHARE. 7.) And they said “words can never hurt you.” Ha! 9. All rated by visitors and sorted from the best. I got mad at my bae for pulling out. You may temporarily forget how to throw a boomerang, but it will always come back to you. 9. I am waiting to recover from injuries caused by a small sharp tool: My friend wanted to hit the treadmill despite recovering from an injury. I am recovering from a knee injury and wife asked how my morning excercise routine went. Chance takers are accident makers. Breaking news: guy at the salt mine rushed to hospital for knee injury, I learned today that Tom Brady first got to play in an NFL game because the previous quarterback suffered an injury causing internal bleeding, A concussion is an injury that is all in your head. 4.) I just published a book on how to prevent skin injuries and minor burns. Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. But we think that a good pun is always worth a good laugh. Five years without meat made the vegetarian realize it was all a huge missed steak. Click here for more information. 11.) Dr. Pepper comes in a bottle because his wife died. Riddles keep everyone on their toes. Keep safety in mind! If you mess up, ‘fess up. Onions was such a good dog. What happened when wonder bread suffered a head injury? That submarine is long, hard and full of seamen. I started a company selling land mines disguised as prayer mats. Hurt → Hut: As in “Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hut me.” and “What you don’t know can’t hut you.” Trust → Crust : As in “ Crust me, I’m a doctor.” and “That was a breach of crust .” and “He’s a crustworthy young man.” Crossing a cement mixer and a chicken will result in you getting a brick layer. While it can seem like punny people aren’t using their brains at all, it actually takes both the right and left hemispheres of the brain to tell a joke, research suggests. Hopefully this egg pun doesn't make your brain too fried or scrambled. 6.) Freud may have been convinced that human beings are always subconsciously thinking about sex, but I believe that’s just a phallacy. Loser-esque yet hilarious, unbearably foolish yet clever at the same time - puns will never get boring, even if they'd be the last jokes left on Earth. Forget the nurse with safety first. Hilarious Puns to Get Your Friend Laughing That reckless little egg always seems to egg-celerate when he sees the light turn yellow. If you’re ready to get over your addiction to children’s games, go to Hokey Pokeys Anonymous and turn yourself around. I find that the only math I’m good at is adding insult to injury. I went to the seafood disco last week but I came back early because.... Everyone will try to pick up where they left off. Last year wasn't much fun having a broken neck injury.. ", Me: "Walk-In Clinic? “Puns! Mary replies,,Don't worry grandma, there are no trees, just co-co-co-co-co-co-concrete pillars." If you’re ready to get over your addiction to children’s games, go to Hokey Pokeys Anonymous and … Romance can make us blind to all the signs that we're in a bad relationship. Super funny puns! I think it's carpool tunnel syndrome. Did you hear about that awesome new theatrical production about puns? There will probably be a surge in weight lifting related injuries since all the gyms have closed. 7. I suppose you could say he got to play because Drew bled so. ,,Watch out Mary, you might get hurt by tree branches." I’m super friendly with 25 letters of the alphabet. 2. At NobleWorks Cards, our hilariously humorous selection of old age jokes will have you and your friends and relatives laughing so hard that you'll feel young again - if you don't die laughing. 10.) May 22, 2019 - Painful Puns. Safety’s OK if you got all day. He said that the internet debates over worthless topics, abuses and hatred being spread there should stop. Second, the logic allows kids to deny responsibility for rude behavior. What does a person who fakes injuries like to drink? 6. Let’s play carpenter. Hurt yourslf silly with stinking funny jokes, brain-throbbing puns, slap happy humor, twisted LOLs and killer laughs. I shouldn’t have taken a class with Dr. Fibin Ouchie. If you’re a girl with a friend who makes mean jokes, try this: Hey my first joke here is about Patella injuries. If you get hurt before you are 18, it’s just a minor injury. You spot a boat full of people but there isn’t a single person on board. It's hard for them to stay in sink. “Just kidding” also compromises girls’ integrity because it allows girls to project a “nice” image, even as they make disrespectful remarks. Funny pictures of really horrible, and terribly lame puns that will make you regret the day you Googled it. upvote downvote report. 6. If you get hurt before you are 18, it’s just a minor injury. Little Mary is riding a train with her grandma. He was so encouraging, he assured me that he has my back. 3.) Needless to say, you will not be able to withstand the audacity of these 10 ridiculous puns: 1. Don't ever have multiple people wash dishes together. Isn't it more of a Hobble-In Clinic?". Unfortunately, those of us that have actually played through Red Dead Redemption 2 (even the first 10 minutes) know that people are definitely going to get hurt. Previous Irish generations may have been concerned with getting through the pearly white gates, but they were also advocates for having a good time. 2. Puns Require the Use Of Both Sides of Your Brain. 8. Then I’ll nail you. My friend barely escaped injury after falling thru a plate glass window... My Math Professor takes days off from work by faking minor injuries. 24 Gym Jokes And Puns That Will Get You Pumped For The Treadmill. Find punny funs, terrible puns, word play that hurts, punny jokes, humorous quotes, word humor, painful puns, clever word play and the worst punsters. Why can't orphans play baseball? 8.) 50 Quick Funny Puns That Will Crack You Up In Five Seconds Flat By January Nelson Updated October 30, 2018. I started crying when dad was cutting onions. Sarah Pflug/ Burst. 1. .. but at least now, I can look back and laugh. No Safety, Know Pain. These puns may be physically painful, but there’s nothing worse than writer’s block. By January Nelson Updated October 30, 2018. Prophets are going through the roof. How can a girl go 25 days without sleep? says grandma. Two hydrogen atoms meet. Bad knee, commented on how I don't want to stay over a different friend's house in case anything happens. . “Just like the flowers on Felucia…,” The General mutters. Some people might consider them lame; others just don't get them at all. A girl fell off a 50-foot ladder but didn’t get hurt. At least now he always looks forward to see me. First we’ll get hammered. Be careful never to accidentally swallow scrabble tiles, that crap could spell disaster. What volcano has caused the most foot injuries? Not to worry. Safety slogans are nifty – Give me my fifty. So let's all take a break from the world and enjoy these 65 hand-selected puns that are guaranteed to make you groan, and then laugh, and maybe even forget all the insanity and jaw-clenching stress in the world—if only for a few minutes.. I bought a microphone so I can talk about different types of injuries. By saying one thing and meaning another, the puns are a witty way to get across someone’s point of view, not necessarily something funny. Dutch is back with his infamous plans and he's going to reassure us all that no one has to get hurt so long as we "stay the course." Me: I'm not sure I should because of the nasty on my knee, god forbid something happens to it ya know. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. Her: Don't want akneething to happen to it. A good definition of a pun is a play on words, where a jokester mixes up two words that are similar but have different meanings. 5.) 6. It is difficult to accept the fact that the loves of our lives can also possess awful, sometimes dangerous qualities. What starts with “e” and ends with “e” but only has one letter in it? Arm Puns My wrists hurt whenever I drive to work with my co-workers and we go through a tunnel. If you are the original creator of material featured on this website and want it removed, please contact the webmaster. My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, "You'll be next!" Santa’s sack is so big because he only comes once a year. Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Google+ (Opens in new window), A Homebrewing Class Right on Your Computer Screen, My Picnic Brings All The Boys To The Yard, And They’re Like, It’s Better Than Yours…, 10 Hide and Go Seek Hiding Spots You Gotta Try, 10 Puns That Are So Bad It’s Physically Painful, The 8 Fold Path to Lifting Your Writer’s Block, Things To Do When Pretty Little Liars Ends. It’s just a light fly! Safety is a Choice You Make. 7. "It can never be my intention to hurt someone's feelings through my jokes," he said. Housekeeping you skip may cause a fall or slip. 9.) Nurse: "You can just go to our Walk-In Clinic if you want to be seen today. by Team Scary Mommy. I told nearly a dozen puns to make my friends laugh, but unfortunately, no pun in ten did…. Masochists, note your pain IS self-inflicted. Suddenly, Mary opens the window and leans out. Due to a spinal injury at work, my Dad had to get a neck brace. Really Dark Jokes. Sex on TV can’t hurt unless you fall off. If you’re having any difficulty kicking your writer’s block to the curb, check out our exclusive guide here: The 8 Fold Path to Lifting Your Writer’s Block. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was great. The stewardess looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”. See our TOP 10 puns. Getting diagnosed with dyslexia was especially devastating to the man who thought he’d been having sexdaily. These puns are so bad they are funny. As much as we love writing puns, we also love reading your comments about the puns! Sick Medical Puns: Viral jokes, sick medical humor, and deadly funny doctor jokes are the cure for whatever ails you because healthy laughter is the best medicine. Think I got plantar fascitis while playing basketball, so I had to call up the orthopaedic doctor to set up an appointment. 8. May 8, 2017 - Hurt yourself with painful puns, groaner jokes, funny word play, punny funs and Ouch! They don't know where home is. The only laughter you might hear after the pun is those around you giggling because you have not figured it out yet. These gym jokes aren’t for the weak of bodies (or mind!) Get back here!” The General hisses. We love writing puns because they catch you off guard and give us the chance to switch up meanings in a fun way. Pun Original; Mark Pain Tweet Mark Twain: The Texas Pain Saw Massacre Tweet The … A vulture boards an airplane carrying two dead raccoons. Excruciating punch lines and face-palm puns ahead. Writing on someone's cast is the perfect time to add insult to injury. A man hurt himself while trying to chop wood **Sonic:** when I get hurt I drop rings **Mario: *[self conscious about his height]*:** can-a we talk about-a something else-a? If you don’t go to work, you can’t get hurt; Don’t watch her behind. How come? 5. Ye Ouch! Behind the wheel, anger is one letter away from danger. An envelope. Absolutely hillarious puns! 7. Take a second and do the "write" thing and let us know what you think or tell us a silly pun … What type of cruel individual would cut off a person's hair, throw it away and then to add insult to injury, take their money afterwards??? She sleeps at night. Flavor of the Puns Tweet Flavor of the month: There's an R in the Puns Tweet There's an R in the month: Puns to the crunch Tweet Comes to the crunch: When it Puns to the crunch Tweet When it comes to the crunch: Puns in a blue moon Tweet Once in a blue moon: Puns more unto the breach, dear friends, Puns more Tweet But 99% of you will never get it. What do you call a mathematician that fakes injuries? You know you're getting old when you find yourself shopping for You Know You're Old When. 4. Only you get to say if you’re hurt or not. Stay Alert – Don’t Get Hurt. 10. The largest collection of funny puns in the world. For better or for worse, Ireland has become synonymous with having a few pints too many. Our aim is to keep the toilets clean – your aim will help! I told him it was a dick move. By nature, the pun is designed to get you to think about a situation in a different light. It’s a great play on words. See more ideas about punny, humor, puns. This isn’t a hangover – it’s the Irish flu. Safety’s alright if you got all night. November 14, 2019 Updated April 14, 2020. “Yes, General!” “Don’t worry about the light fly, Puns,” The General admonishes, “Focus.” Puns wiggles in place, “I’m so focused,” He says to the bug, sitting a little too high on a wall. She fell off the bottom rung.

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